Don't you just hate when they reel you back in,....

 

*Gloomgirl*: You're not bored of the gloom girl yet? lol
Ez: Nah. The Gloom girl makes me happy. And if she leaves i'll die of a broken HEART. 
*Gloomgirl* lol. what would you like hot stuff

So i got my new computer today. It makes me sad that I had to part with my old one cos yes it had all my info that I know I'm not always going to remember and many sites that I had saved on my favorites but slowly and surely I guess I'll remember them I guess.
The screen is a 25 inch and it also converts to a television. Now I just need to get the cable in here. But all in all I think its pretty neat. Now I just have to sell my old computer and screen.

I'm getting rid of some stuff so if you're interesting just let me know so I can tell you how much it cost. Majority of stuff is under 6 bucks.

I've been having dreams about  people that I've use to be friends with but we ended in bad terms. I hate it cos its constant dreams of us talking again and slowly getting over what we were mad at. Well I wasn't  mad at anything. This person decided to be rude to me and I decided I wasn't going to be walked on anymore and to treat them the same way.

In my dream I was coming out of church and someone else and I were walking to me car. I saw a couple with their child that I know hanging around the door. They don't seem to want to talk to me so we walk away. We start to make are way to my car. I start  to look for something before I get in and the guy that's with me explains that the person I'm no longer speaking to has it. He points out to a car that belongs to that person and I walk over. We speak to each other with defensive tones and we're trying to be rude to each other but then I say "Just Let it go, I bet you don't even remember why you are mad at me" And the other person says I have a point and we just start chatting.
Of course that's where it always ends at that point. And I wake up and think its fucking bullshit. Why?Because  some of those people (which aren't  many) despite the life changing experiences, or whatever that makes them have to grow up... don't seem to grow up. They're stuck in this idea that they should hate this certain person or people because  at one point they didn't get along. I'm glad that some of the people I was not speaking to grew up.

I'm not a big fan of my birthday. I get like i get before new years... annoyed and bummed out.  For the longest time something would go wrong on my birthday and it just killed it. I was never one to have parties cos I never had that much friends  and I wasn't close the family that lives near us. So my birthday is just boring to me. For the past couple of years I've made sure that I was miserable. Last year I was just annoyed at everything and when my brother and liz decided to invite people to the yard house no one showed up so what does that say about that...? Couple friend wouldn't show them and I don't even expect them to this year either because on of their girlfriends has the same birthday as mine but they always seem to forget. I'd think it wold be that much easier. But whatever. 
Maybe I hate my birthday cos I hate change.
But my birthday will be in about two weeks. I'm going to be 26.  I just know that I want to drink and drink and maybe drink a little more. Ezrael has already said he would be there with me and that's cool
26 wow. that means I'll be in my mid or late 20s. ... ew.  This gal is old.

Which reminds me I need to get healt insurance..
I need to get me some meds.

So I'm afriad I'm losing a friend. And I don't understand that...

With my stupid luck. Yet again, some pebble hit my windshield.. and it cracked now! WHAT THE FUCK!  its like right under the windshield wiper...  I should have known that I would be prone to cars fucking up with me. It just starting.. I know it is...
This is just fucking
bullshit.
If you little bitch of an asshole decided to fuck me over you're a fucking little flea bag of a bitch and you'll know who you are. Lets face it ok. I'm better than you in so many ways. GET The FUCK OVER IT.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
I totaled a Car....?

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did but I didn't keep it. And I usually don't make them.

3. Did someone close to you give birth?
No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Well, My Grandmother died but we weren't close.

5. What countries did you visit?
None

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Motivation

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Nothing comes to mind.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
keeping my job...

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not going back to school

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got really sick in October, The Flu

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My new car. It has better features.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Maybe Liz.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
There are a lot of people. S to be one at least, I didn't think he was that much into making sure everyone thought of him as the man.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Gifts, food

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My friends being pregnant and one getting married. Getting a dog

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2008?
Gavin Rossdale WonderLust

17. Compared to this time last year, are you...
I. Happier or sadder?: The Same.
II. Thinner or fatter?: Fatter
III. Richer or poorer?: same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hung out with friends.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
work

20. How did you spend Christmas?
It was a day off for me. I got up late, my brother and I gave our parents gift, I gave my brother, and then I went over to a friends for dinner.

21. What was your favorite month of 2008?
None really. October?

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Love, heh. Love seems to miss me every year. I hope for it but its no where is sight

23. How many one-night stands?
None

24. What was your favorite TV program?
House, Fringe, The Office(cospamandjimarefinallytogetherXD), grey's anatomy,

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate her I just wish her the worst. And poor kid.

26. What was the best book you read?
NA

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Gavin Rossdale...which is not really true cos I loved Bush...

28. What did you want and get?
My dog despite the fact that he is my little monster

29. What did you want and not get?
some TLC lol...

30. Favorite film of this year?
There were a lot of movies I liked

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 25 and I worked in the morning and then went home to mope around cos I hate my birthday. And when people decided we should do something it was much too late and mostly everyone were "tired" and "had to wake up early the next day" shows you want kind of "friends" I have.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Less depression.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Comfortable.

34. What/Who kept you sane?
My brother and Liz per usual

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Robert Downey Jr.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Palin. I just didn't care for her and prop 8. Even same sex lovers should endour the pains and sufferings for marriage.

37. Who do you miss?
no one really

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I didn't meet anyone knew.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Sometimes you think you know someone and suddenly they come at you from left field...

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
....

Right now I can't sleep cos when i was going to go to my living room the light didn't work... when it was just minutes ago. I'm blaming grandma... so I'm scared now.

I guess the best way to understand and be ok with grandma's death was what a 5 year old said (I think he's five he might be six or seven)

"Grandpa came back to take her with him"

And it could be a possibility.
Days before her death she mention that she saw three people she knew that had passed on. My dad said it could just be that grandpa saw his wife suffering and in pain and no one had time for her that he decided it was time.

So I've been meaning to write about whats been going on in my life.... but it will just have to wait.
My Grandmother is dead.
She passed about 7pm Dec. 28. Her great grandson went to check on her 3 hours later and found her not breathing...
So she died in her sleep. I guess its a nice way to go.
It was just so unexpected. It had only been a little over a year when grandpa died and a week ago she was feeling fine. Just this past week did she start to mention that she felt a little ill and they went to have her get checked and everything seemed alright.
Honestly, I think she was getting ready to die. Like her body was. And I think unconsciously she knew and was somewhat ok with it. She was tired. Her husband was gone and their anniversary was on the 23rd so I wold think it being the 2nd anniversary alone might of bugged her.
I don't know. I mean I didn't care for her much cos she didn't want to get to know this family but I don't hate her. I'm sorry she died and I hope my dad is doing alright. He seemed a little out. Losing a parent must hurt so much even if they weren't close. But now, there is no tie with the siblings or cousins or their kid's kids. I think they will just kind of fade away. We wont hear about them or ...anything..
Still miss my grandpa. He was a good man.

I feel like I'm the lamest person ever...

No wonder no most of people don't want to be my friends....

I'm just a loser..

So if you don't know...
Jess got hit by a car.. For God sakes if you don't know you either are not paying attention to pictures or I haven't spoken to you in a while.

So I'm going through the "I hate my life" phase yet again. Its like...the same! Nothing has changed other then me not hanging out with my friends cos I work most of the time and when I'm out of work I am just sleeping. Its boring!I started to think that I'm gonna be losing some touch from some friends. Not that I want to but its hard keeping up with them. I want to so much but I usually don't call people and when I want to hang out with them they got their lives so they are just as busy...Like Jamie, she's getting married to a WONDERFUL guy. So majority of the time she's working or hanging out with her guy or her other friend Courtney. Our schedules just never match. Today they did but I ended up getting out of work too late and I went to go eat with Liz and when I came back it was a little to late. ;x
Sky...since the tension between people in the group became more apparent. It's been heh. I love seeing him...when his gf is not there. Its not like I'm jealous or anything like that but.. he's someone else and she is like ALL over him....not cool. So he works just as hard with his dads business. Plus I'm kind of bothered by the gift thing. I mean here I am trying to get him something he'd like and love. He told me straight out what he wanted and I did the same. I got something I didn't say....but is not just that. It makes me think if he didn't get the gift, if he didn't not to care on what I wanted, that says something of what he thinks of our friendship...doesn't it? Its not important enough? *sigh*
Everyone has their life and I feel like mine is just stuck...
I don't know what to do.. I don't know where to go...I'm just lost.
I'm also saddened by the closing of Bombay Company. I loved working there. I loved the stuff they had. The only thing I didn't like was Mary the fucking back stabbing dyke and Pam the stereotypical black women who took charge of the store. They were assholes and thats why I say the stuff I just did. But still if Cassandra was working I'd go over there and have a chat. It was like my comfort area when I'd be bored at work... Now its gone.. As of Sunday January 13, Bombay will shut their doors and BUCKLE will be moving in. The people that I did talk to at the mall will be gone which.. I am partially happy about because Mary and Pam will be fucking gone! But I'll miss seeing Andy when I could. I keep thinking I should have bought more stuff. I should have been there earlier to get a print for my brother but now its too late and it sucks.
I don't take change well. It just depresses me a lot when its something I hope would never change...
But all I can think of is how I need to get out of this house. I need to move out, do something different, try new things!
But I'm so afraid.

Ok maybe I'm being ungrateful. Maybe just stupid. Maybe I am just over thinking things...see...

A few days before Christmas a friend of mine stopped by at my work while I was busy... I was able to have a chat with him. I asked him what he wanted for Christmas. He had mentioned he saw a indoor helicopter thing he would like. He asked me. I told him like I mentioned to other people, easiest thing was Nightmare Before Christmas things or James Dean stuff. We chatted for a bit more and said our goodbyes..
I was finally able to give him his gift today. He was happy to see what it was and when I opened my it was stationary. Mind you I love writing pointless things on paper...But guess what was on the stationary.....James Dean... Nay.... Marilyn Monroe.
I do think Marilyn Monroe was a lovely women but she does not interest me.....one bit. I smiled and said it was totally awesome. But when I got in the Car. I said... Marilyn Monroe?
When did I say I liked her?
Now I know.. and I am.. I am appreciative to the fact that I was given a gift this year unlike last year. They got the right decade right? I don't know what to really think.

I have been working like crazy this passed week. Yesterday I worked 13 hours! I just couldn't leave cos it juas was so busy in the store that if i left engraving would be so behind. I can usually do that but being sick at the moment didn't help. Today I woke up with aches and feeling more congested. Its not fun being sick. But yeah...
Other then working all the time and being sick I dont think anything else is new.. but i have to run for now. so laters
ill write more soon!